Hope Was Here
by IchigoMelon
Summary: AU. Matthew Williams figured that since he was going to die there was no use getting close to anyone. That is, until he met the one and only Gilbert Beilschmidt, who would unknowingly turn everything he ever knew upside down.


_Ever since I was born, my parents knew I would never live long.  
_

* * *

Matthew sat in the library quietly, immersed in the fictional illusion of the story. Images and pictures were swirling around his mind, a small smile on his face as he flipped the page. He felt like he could hear the voices speaking in his head, feel the wind on his face and hair, it all felt real to him. He shifted in his position in the chair, as he rested his head on his knuckles, letting his blond locks fall into his face. His violet eyes continued to be lost in the words.

He was almost finished.

* * *

_The doctors told them that I would likely die in my early twenties, at the latest. Though, they also said I could die any time, really.  
_

* * *

The time had passed quickly, and by the end of the book the boy was sobbing in his hands, letting the tears roll down his cheeks. Well, there was another amazing book done and complete. That had been a tearjerker for sure.

Matthew realized he spent a lot of his days just reading in the library, as if there were nothing else in the world to do. He had never been a gamer, or a sportsman until the wintertime where he played ice hockey, so he supposed reading was an easy way to get away. He was a master reader at school, considering that's all he did, pretty much.

He checked his watch, and taking notice of the late hour, stood up, and gathered his things. He put the book back on the shelf where he'd found it, and left without another word.

* * *

_Because of this, my parents always tried to keep their distance from me. They didn't want it to hurt too much when their precious second son died. Personally, I'd grown used to this by the time I started school.  
_

* * *

The bell of the school rung loudly, signaling the end of class with its loud gesture. Matthew sighed as he rose from his desk, and put his schoolbooks back into his bag, still holding his leisure books tightly in his arms. Next period was lunch for him, so what was he going to do? Certainly not talk. He was never a talker anyway. He had a book to finish, after all.

When he got his food he sat down, and opened his book, almost instantly falling back into the time of dragons and wizards. The gruel on his plate was rather disgusting, but as almost anything in life he'd grown used to it, and ate it anyway.

The lunch period had gone by too fast, and before he knew it, it was time to get rid of whatever wasn't eaten and to get out. He did so, slipping his bookmark into his book and cleaned his area.

He didn't muster a single hello to the boy laughing next to him, that boy being his brother.

* * *

_I myself tended to keep a very loose attachment to people. I guess I was really just afraid of letting anyone get too close, for I didn't want to hurt them, or me. So I shut everyone out, making sure that when I died, no one would miss me.  
_

* * *

Matthew stopped by the nurse's office to take the pills that were supposed to help him, but in actuality were only pain relievers to help him focus. They didn't really help him live longer; just dull the pain of living at all.

He really hated taking them. Whenever the nurse would hand them to him and a glass of water he would stare at them for a few minutes, almost as if hoping they would vanish. The nurse felt sorry for him, but decided that it was better for him, at any rate. He mumbled a soft 'thank you', though he didn't really mean it, before exiting.

Matthew headed down the hallway to his next class, and was the first to enter the classroom. The teacher didn't bother looking up at him, and Matthew didn't bother saying hello as he sat down, and waited patiently for the other students to arrive.

* * *

_That is…until he came along.  
_

* * *

After school the boy went to his usual spot, which was again the library. He didn't like going home after school because there was nothing for him to do. He figured he'd drop off the book he'd finished yesterday and finish up his current one, and do the homework he'd been assigned before all of that.

When he arrived at the library, he dropped off the one book, smiling lightly at the librarian who was used to his face by now. After five years of coming almost daily, she knew almost everything about him.

"Ah, you finished this one," she said kindly. "How did you like it?"

"It was so heart wrenching!" Matthew laughed, shaking his head. "I was crying, but it was beautiful."

The Librarian was one of the only people Matthew allowed himself to know. It was mostly because, as said after five years, she'd grown used to him. It was one of the only stable relationships he had, and he treasured it.

"Indeed, it was. You should read his other works. He truly is a master story teller."

"I will, thank you."

Matthew proceeded to head up the stairs to the second floor of the library, where he usually dwelled. He went and sat down at the table, doing all of his homework quickly and efficiently before putting it away again. He was always good with math.

He then set about to find the works of the author that the librarian had recommended, and saw his works on the shelf a bit higher than he. Matthew got onto his tiptoes, trying to reach it, only succeeding it barely grazing the spine. He grumbled, and continued to reach when someone grabbed it for him.

"Here, you're a little short there, huh?" a voice chuckled, as he turned around.

Matthew's violet orbs met unfamiliar, scarlet ones.

* * *

_Gilbert Beilschmidt would soon become the most important person in my life. Had I known it then, I would've done more to be with him. But then again, there was no way I could've.  
_

* * *

The boy puffed out his cheeks a bit, but took the book gratefully. "Thanks. Sorry, not everyone can be tall like you."

"No problem. Yeah, not everyone can be as awesome as me, I know."

Matthew really did not like the arrogance of this guy. He sighed, and shook his head a bit before moving back to the table he'd sat at earlier. He was just about to begin reading when the man from before sat in front of him.

"So…" he began, and the boy looked up at him, a bit annoyed.

"I'm trying to read," he said simply.

He was an albino guy from what he could tell. He had short, silvery hair, and scarlet eyes. He seemed mildly amused in Matthew's activities, as he rested his head in his palms, staring at him curiously. "Yeah, I know. So tell me, what are you doing here all by yourself?"

The question seemed obvious, but he answered anyway. "Reading…"

"Why?"

"Because I enjoy it."

The albino nodded slowly, and stared for a few minutes longer as Matthew began to read again. There was a moment of quiet before he burst out again. "I'm Gilbert, and you?"

Matthew stopped short, gazing at him wonderingly, as if the question puzzled him. They'd met five minutes ago. Why was he so interested in him all of a sudden? Though, he figured a name couldn't hurt. "Matthew."

"Awesome. So Matthew, do you go to Hetalia High by chance?" he asked bluntly.

The boy stared at him incredulously for a second, unbelieving as he'd guessed his school correctly. Instead of answering directly, he substituted. "How did you…"

"Aha! I knew it! I thought I recognized you! We're in the same grade. I'm in your history class, remember?" Gilbert grinned, pointing to himself as if that would help.

Matthew racked his brain for Gilbert's face in any of his classes, but honestly couldn't visualize it. He shrugged. "Sorry…not really. I don't remember faces well."

It didn't seem to affect him. "Don't know how you couldn't know me, but it's okay. Yeah, you don't talk a lot, huh? Shy?"

Shy was a good word, he supposed. For simplicity's sake at any rate. "A bit."

Gilbert laughed a bit, and nodded understandingly. "I get that. But anyway, I'll be looking out for you now, okay?"

He pulled out his phone, and he checked the time. The albino shot up. "Shit! I have to run! West is going to kill me…"

Matthew couldn't help but chuckle lightly at his freak out. He'd long since put his book down as Gilbert turned to him once more. "Hey, will you be here tomorrow?"

"I should be…" the boy confirmed, never willing to make a promise to anyone. He didn't want to break it, after all. "Why?"

"'Cause I'm going to come see you again. Later!"

He didn't have a change to argue as he ran out and down the stairs.

* * *

_Gilbert came and met me every single day at the library after that. He even noticed me at school. He sat with me at lunch. He talked to me. It was the most odd thing I'd ever seen in my life. For a while, I honestly couldn't understand why he cared about simple, little me, but I soon learned that he was just as lonely as I was.  
_

* * *

"Birdie!"

Matthew stopped in his tracks in the hallway of bustling students, and let a smile grace his lips as he waved a bit. "Hey, Gilbert."

The albino made his way over, and began walking with him. "Man, that test was a killer. How do you think you did?"

"Well, actually," Matthew smiled. "I actually think I did well for once."

"You probably did," Gilbert snorted. "You always do good, Birdie."

The boy shook his head. "Not _always_. And…hey, I've been meaning to ask this, why do you call me Birdie?"

"Well why do you answer it?" he teased, but then shrugged. "I dunno, really. You just kind of remind me of a bird. Or more like a mommy bird. You kind of always know what you're doing, and sometimes you're all over the place, but you always come home. Like how you always go to the library, it's kind of like your home."

Matthew gazed at him for a moment. "That was…very poetic."

"Yeah…don't get used to it, okay?"

They continued walking to their class in silence after that, as if processing what they'd said. Gilbert finally popped the silent bubble, as always. "So, you doing anything other than the library after school?"

"Nope."

His grin widened. "Then how about you hang around town with me?"

For some reason he didn't hesitate.

"That'd be amazing."

* * *

_Eventually, after spending so much time with him, I came to the conclusion that I was in love. I guess it was because I had never let anyone get this close to me, nor had I ever felt this sense of closeness that Gilbert tended to give to me. But I soon realized that I was going to lose him, so I figured I should tell him about my unstable life.  
_

* * *

"Gilbert?" Matthew said quietly, setting the cup down carefully.

The two were sitting in a local restaurant, a quaint little place that was on the corner. Most people came there after a long day, just wanting a small something to get them through the rest of their evening. Matthew and Gilbert were no different.

"Ja?" Gilbert answered, looking up at him.

"T-there…something I have to tell you…" he began to mumble again. He almost couldn't look at him.

The albino watched him with full attention. "Okay, go ahead."

Matthew swallowed heavily. "I…the reason…the reason I don't talk to anyone is because I don't want to be close to anyone. The reason I don't like going home to my parents is because they don't care about me. The reason they don't is because…I'm going to die really, really soon."

There was a pause. "H-huh?"

"When I was born, my body was really, really unstable. They figured that I wouldn't live past twenty if I even got there. My parents didn't want to have to deal with my death, so they distance themselves from me as much as they can. I don't want to talk to people because I don't want to hurt them when I die…" he bit his lip. "But…but then you came…and you…talked to me. You became my friend and…and I've never felt this way about anyone before…"

Gilbert watched him sympathetically, feeling as if he was the one giving away a secret, not him. "Mattie…"

"I'm sorry I hid it from you…I thought that maybe I could just be a little happy before I died…just for a little bit. And that you would forget all about me in a few days…" Matthew sighed, gripping his knees tight.

"Mattie, it's okay."

"C-come again?"

Gilbert stood up, and walked around, pulling him out of his chair and into a hug. "I don't care, okay? That just means we'll have to make the time you have left here even _more _awesome, sound good?"

Matthew felt like crying as he wrapped his arms around him, nodding into his shoulder, gripping the back of his shirt tight.

* * *

_And awesome he did make them. I can't think of a day that I didn't have a smile on my face after that. Nothing mattered to me after that. Time wasn't an issue anymore, after that. I finally felt that happiness I'd longed for. I finally loved and I felt loved, everything was well. As well as it could be, at any rate.  
_

* * *

"Oh, hell, yeah! Perfect! Beat that, Mattie!" Gilbert laughed, stepping off the dance machine at the arcade, a little jig in his step.

Matthew laughed. "I can try. I tell you Gil, I'm terrible at this game."

"Well, the awesome me demands it, so you must do it."

"Yes, _oh mighty overlord_."

"Damn straight."

There was a chorus of laughter as Matthew started his own round of the dancing game. He played as best he could, but ended up messing up terribly. He did horrible, but he had fun doing it so he didn't seem to mind.

Eventually he stepped off, and, receiving a high five from Gilbert, let the other people who were waiting get a turn. He glanced at the air hockey table, and smirked a bit.

Matthew grabbed Gilbert and pointed. "Now, let's play on my turf."

* * *

_I wanted more than anything for those days to go on forever. But alas, fate had other plans for me.  
_

* * *

"Hey, Birdie!"

The boy glanced up from his book, and smiled. "Yeah?"

The albino approached him quickly; sitting down in front of him with the widest smile he'd ever seen on him. "You better not be busy this weekend."

"I'm not, but let's say I was. Why?" Matthew inquired, slipping a bookmark in and setting it down.

Gilbert withdrew two tickets from his pocket. "'Cause we're going to the fair this weekend! It's going to be great, me and Lud used to go every year. You ever been?"

"No, I don't think so…" the boy mused, shaking his head.

"Well, you're going to have loads of fun, I'll pick you up, okay? Be ready, this is going to be an all day thing!" he proclaimed, giving a thumbs up.

Matthew nodded slowly as the images of the fun they would have filled his mind.

* * *

_The Fair was the very last day I had with him. It was without a doubt the very best day of my life. It was short but it was a great life that I wouldn't have changed for the world. I always thought I was doomed to be lonely every day until I died, but with Gilbert, that wasn't true. Every day was an adventure waiting to happen, and I was happy, truly happy.  
_

* * *

Gilbert had arrived early that morning, but Matthew had been ready. Together, they made their way to the Fair, and Matthew could not believe how full of life it was. It was bursting with emotion and happiness, and the day had only just begun.

They'd played games, simple games like ring toss, and other more complex games like getting doubles on dice. Gilbert had won the ring toss, and earned a little polar bear toy that he gave to him. Matthew in turn had miraculously won the dice game, and earned a little yellow bird cell phone charm, which he gave to him. They both treasured them.

As the day progressed, everything was just insanely, as Gilbert would say, awesome. Matthew couldn't have imagined a better way to spend a weekend, and couldn't think of anyone else he'd rather have spent it with. When the sun was finally setting, the festivities were almost over.

"Let's go on the Ferris Wheel, okay?" Gilbert suggested, pointing to the massive attraction.

Matthew looked up at it, and shrugged, thinking of nothing better. "Okay…"

Truth be told, Matthew was beginning to feel incredibly weak, and he didn't know why. He'd stopped taking the medication because it didn't help anymore. It seemed that the pain had come no matter what. He'd been ignoring it all day, but as he walked with Gilbert it seemed to be as sharp as ever. He forced himself not to wince as they boarded the wheel.

They sat side by side, and for a while they just watched the setting sun, and how the orange and red clashed with the yellow and purple and blue. It was outstandingly beautiful, a perfect view he deemed it.

The Ferris wheel stopped for a moment, as it always did to let more passengers on board. It was suspended, and Matthew figured now was as good a time as any.

"Gilbert?"

"Hm?"

"I…" Matthew began, shifting positions. He opened his mouth, but a sharp pain went through him again, and he made a small squeak. Gilbert looked at him quizzically, but he shook his head. "Thank you for taking me today. Today was the best day of my life. I can say that without a doubt in the world. Thank you so much."

Gilbert blushed a bit, grinning. "It was nothing, really. I had an awesome time too. I'm glad I decided to take you, instead. You're great company, you know? So thanks for being an awesome fun partner."

The boy laughed lightly. "It's so beautiful up here…" he said suddenly.

"It is…" he agreed, staring out at it.

Matthew leaned on his shoulder, a sudden wave of weariness washing over him. The pain had vanished by this point, and for some reason he knew something he shouldn't. He swallowed heavily, and yawned a bit. "I love you…"

Gilbert looked over at him. "W…what?"

He closed his eyes. "I love you."

It took a few minutes for him to process the words and reply. "I…I love you too."

A smile curled onto his lips as he fell asleep.

And Gilbert smiled too, unknowing that he wouldn't wake up.

* * *

_Gilbert Beilschmidt was the only person in the entire world that cared about Matthew Williams. And I appreciated that more than anything. I couldn't have dreamed of a better way to die, there, with him. He gave me the hope I needed to keep going, and to believe that something was worth fighting for. I think that's what allowed me to keep fighting as long as I did. If I hadn't known him then, I probably would've died long ago._

_ So even though ever since the beginning I knew I was going to die, I figured that was just okay, as long as I had someone to love and someone who would love me back._

_ And I did.  
_

* * *

**It feels so good to write ACTUAL PruCan again~ :)**

**Anyways, in case you're confused, Matthew is telling the story over again after he's dead. He died on the Ferris Wheel with Gilbert by his side. All the italics are Matthew actually telling the story, while the regular text is scenes from when he was alive. **

**All in all, I'm really, really proud of this for some reason, so I hope everyone enjoys it as much as I did writing it. Thank you for reading, and please leave some feedback if you have a chance ^^**

**-IchigoMelon**


End file.
